Honestly, at this point of life the only thing I’m fearful about is college.
I want to apply for colleges abroad, especially US (because Liberal Arts Colleges are best in USA). The whole ordeal has been really exhausting; from choosing the colleges to facing reality to college fees; everything has been chaotic. It has made me face my insecurities in deeper level and made me face this dreadful question, “Am I worth it?”
Nothing in my life (except exams) has made me stay up all night, not even break ups and here this college process is standing like a stupid bully, making me so frustrated and scared.
I wake up because of nightmares. I am constantly thinking of what if. What if I cannot get into colleges and cannot afford going to a suitable one? What if my visa isn’t accepted? What if I have to dependent upon my parents and waste their money?
There are so many things, like these, that make me anxious and scared.
It is 22nd of February and tomorrow I will be getting my SAT score, and here I am wide awake at 1:30 A.M, writing my blog and listening to theories about Donald Trump because I know I am going to get nightmares if I sleep and somehow watching the news is making me feel calmer sardonically on Schadenfreude.
I know I just used a German word. And I know “Iron sharpens iron” but that is just how much disoriented and scared I am.
Bonus Fears: Misogyny, Misandry, Islamophobia, Intolerance, Terrorism, Homophobia, Violence, etc.
Until next time,