Oh how much I love talking about this topic after being awake for a whole night because I was too anxious and scared about my SAT results.
Let’s start from the very beginning.
My pre-school (Grade Nursery to UKG [Upper Kindergarten]), all thanks to my father who loved her first child so much that he saw I was getting my homework done and reading during my exams. My then teachers thought that I was naturally talented and I got straight 98% all throughout the 3 years in that school.
Then my mom thought that it would be good if I and my brother went to a school with better competition, so we moved to my second and the school Paragon Public School, where I completed my SLC (School Leaving Certificate, which you get after passing 10th Grade in my country). I remember the first time a teacher complimented me and called me “clever”. Though, I didn’t know what that meant then, but I took it as a compliment. But this did not reflect in my mark sheets; for a whole year of 1st grade I was an average student with average marks. Experts call it ‘big pond, small fish effect’; where there were many competitions so one of the best students of my Pre-school became an average student in my school. But then suddenly in 2nd grade midterm exams, I got 100% excelling every student there was in my batch! This was a huge deal. My teachers started to take me seriously and then I became the Shripa every teacher of my school knows now. I became an above average student, always making it to the “Top 10” board (which basically is the academically Top 10 students when all the section of classes was considered.) I passed my SLC with 82%. I cried because that wasn’t enough for me, but oh well.
Then I started A-levels (cue to a dark *dun dun dun* music), I was exposed to this huge population of student coming from different backgrounds, knowing so much about everything, it made me small and dumb. You could see in my grades. I, a student who never got below 80% in my school, was getting Bs, Cs and Ds. It was all because of the ‘big pond, small fish’ effect. Suddenly I wasn’t smart enough and good enough and that really hampered my self-esteem so much so I stopped trying all together. I found a new way to redeem myself; extracurricular activities. These activities were something so calming in my chaotic world, that I was totally indulged into it. I found love for writing, books, poetry and debate. I found love for public speaking. I could finally express my love for dance. I could help people through community service. I made sure I utilized every opportunity St. Xavier’s gave me. Graduating my high school with average to below average grade, I was disappointed with my results but I knew I learnt so many things and have impacted so much there. Looking back, I am close to few teachers and that’s okay.
Now, I’m studying in a government college with Psychology and Social Work majors. The tables have turned now, it is ‘big fish, small pond’ effect. Because St. Xavier’s taught me so much about so many things and made me grow into this extraordinary person with curiosity, creativity and hunger for knowledge with idealism filled into nook and cranny, I find myself being intellectually superior to my classmates, except in Nepali class. I didn’t have to study Nepali subject for 2 years in a row, and I’m out of practice but I’ll get there. I am not trying to be self-deluded; it’s just how it is. Right now, I love my professors. I still have many things to work on. I really need to finish up the notes of every class and do something about Social Work’s field placement, but I like it so far.
I want to pursue my education abroad, most probably some Liberal Arts college in US. Let’s see where life will take me, shall we?
Until next time,
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